I kind of am still a stay-at-home mom. I try and organize houses a couple of days a week, blog & freelance write and do work for Soldiers’ Angels – but I do most of that at home. No matter what I do in the day, I greet the kids with a big freaking smile when they get off the bus! The rest of the time I try and be the typical stay-at-home mom – you know, the kind that gets their groove on in their couch as soon as the kids go off to school. I break out the tabloid magz, raid the Halloween candy, watch the Judge shows, watch my stories, Dr. Phil then Oprah, then cook a 5 course meal….(bwahahaha)
How dare nature interrupt my perfectly lazy day. Since Ramon my pool boy (ya in my dreams) has run off with the maid (also in my dreams), I am forced to clean my swimming pool on a daily basis. Then I see this
Oh Ramon, where are you? I called my friend Milena to share the complicated situation (possum in bottom of pool – must get out so doesn’t block drain). She offered to come and help if I couldn’t muster up the courage. Being the fair maiden I am, you know, the kind who vacuums in wife-beater dresses and stiletto heels with a full face of make-up, I decided to put on some lipstick for the poor little critters funeral (ya right – sweatpants & a t-shirt was more like it) & dare risk breaking a little nail, or worse, coming into contact with the little feller. Deep breath Greta, and with the whoosh of the net (similar to the Soilent Green “scoop”), I had the poor critter off the bottom of the pool. I can finish the job…right? If I flick it into the yard, Chulo the Stupor Dog will probably drag it under my bed late at night. Bad idea, keep thinking….flick it over the fence – hey all the neighbors are working….guilty conscience – no can do. Yes, I must now transport the dead little body hanging in my net to the garbage can. But will it just flick out of the net or will I have to have some “possum contact?” Oh gosh, all this drama and I could be watching Judge Judy! Don’t look Greta, lift the can and flip the net over and maybe he will fall in the garbage. Dang – no such luck.
A little extra net pulling was necessary to shake the little possum loose. I feel vomit in my throat. Then I see the little feller face to face on top of a box of Michelob Light. I figure I better not have him exposed as I am probably breaking several corpse disposal laws – so I add some more trash on top of him so no beady eyes can look my way. Quick, close the lid and drag the can to the curb for garbage day. Back to the couch and to re-claim my groove. When the monsters come home from school – I tell them it was, “Just another day in paradise!