If anyone ever captured my life on a greeting card, it is Ann Taintor. This is the first year, I recall, that there aren’t too many Christmas card early birds. You know the ones, they had all their cards addressed and signed in June and mailed them out November 30th. Wait, I used to be that person…what the heck happened? Oh ya, 3 kids and life? You see, if everyone was Jewish, we could all sit back and relax the rest of the month. I only have six more days of refereeing the kids fighting over the who lights the candles and I’m done. Oh ya, we celebrate Christmas too…no sleeping at the wheel Greta! This Christmas thing is all the Jewish guys fault. Geesh!
So here we have the month where those who aren’t organized, or even worse, procrastinators, have their head spin around in 360s while green slime spews from their mouth (aka a Linda Blair). Even if you have everything done, you can be sure you don’t. “Honey, did you buy a gift for Uncle Fester & Cousin It?” Oh shoot, quick, Amazon.com and, free shipping if I buy X amount of items and ya, done. “Honey, I need a $15 gift and a potluck dish for a party at work next week.” Dang, maybe I can throw one of my extra Webkinz in a nice Christmas bag and be done. Nope – back to the store. “Mom, I need 2 boxes of graham crackers and you have to come volunteer to help a bunch of 1st graders construct a gingerbread house and make sure they don’t sneak candy.” Sure honey, I have all the time in the world for that (not). “Honey, I don’t think you bought son #2 enough Legos.” Sure my love, I’ll skip all the way to Wal-Mart and buy some more with a freaking smile as I fight the scooter brigade blocking the aisles and wait in line for an hour while 5 people in front of me need a price check!
Today is the day, I get my house perfectly clean, finish decorating the Griswold Christmas tree that probably has a squirrel in it, buy Christmas cards, buy more Legos, buy a $15 gift for work and relax the rest of the month. And if you believe all that, I have some snake oil to sell you for a last minute Christmas gift! Crack that Christmas whip!
(this post can also be found at NOLA.com and remember, this is free entertainment so the least you could do is shop through my ads (guilt trip). I have Amazon.com!)