Listen up everyone – Mother’s Day is May 11th & you should be in a panic if you haven’t given it any thought yet (which I assume you haven’t). I usually get some handmade gifts from the kids (that they made in school), a card, coffee, breakfast, my laptop & newspaper in bed. Then it is usually back to Mom work for this camper. We all know that if you let housework slide for even one day – you quadruple pay for it the next day!

Of course a nice gift certificate to Stein Mart, TJ Maxx or Marshalls would be welcome too (hint hint). I would also love a promise from the boys to wipe down the toilet seats and to flush the toilet each time they use it for the rest of their lives. I would love my husband not to notice when we pass someone with a big rack just bought from the plastic surgeon store. I would love Ramon my imaginary pool boy to really clean my damn pool. I would like the imaginary maid to appear and clean this house! I would like a day without kids fighting! I would like to lose 5 pounds (who wouldn’t?).

I polled a few of my internet friends for additional suggestions:

*** Unless a woman has specifically expressed a lot of interest and desire for one, or better yet flat out *told* you that’s what she wants, don’t give your woman household appliances!

A cute chiseled cabana boys that can’t speak with the exception of “Yes, Mistress.”
* ~Nicki~

*** I love “KNIVES!” ~Merri who loves to cook~

*** I want what every mother wants: PEACE AND QUIET. No work to do, no obligations, no talking, just pure, silent, solitary bliss.

Either that or a team of servants. ~Beth~

*** No large screen t.v.’s for the bedroom. (Like I got for my birthday). What a transparent attempt to get me in the bedroom. You should see it. While I was out of town (and after I told him to put it upstairs in the loft), he went ahead and planted it smack on our dresser, totally covering up the mirror. I can’t tell you how ridiculous it looks. And he knows I’m not a big t.v. watcher. Grrrrr.

So no t.v.’s……no frying pans, either.

You can’t lose with flowers and chocolate with me. ~Deb~

*** Check out my cool shopping idea page too!

*Come visit me on NOLA.com & my personal blog. Tune in your radio this Saturday from 3-4 on AM 690 WIST for my radio show.